Into the Wilderness of My Own Backyard
- Capital Fellows
- 8 hours ago
- 4 min read
By Isabel Church
Against all expectations, I have landed back home this year. For only what I can assume was the Holy Spirit’s guidance, I applied to three Virginia fellows programs, despite initially wanting to be in Tennessee or Colorado. And then, I chose the program that runs right out of the church I’ve attended my entire life. I walked into Capital Fellows knowing I’d made a decision to plant my feet where I grew up and to jump back into a pond of familiarity. And yet, I have experienced an immense amount of newness in these past two months. It’s been exciting and hard and growing.
A few weeks ago, Yujin invited Dillen, Josh, Jessica, and me to attend a large group gathering of ICF George Mason -- a branch of Servants Ministry. For the first time in my life, I walked into a room of entirely Asian-Americans. I was adopted from Korea when I was 7 months old, have lived my life in primarily white circles, and prior to fellows, I think I had maybe three Asian-American friends. Eyes wide and heart racing, I went to sit down at the front. I was intimidated and overwhelmed, and yet, I felt like I belonged. How strange to feel, intensely, newness and familiarity all at once.
And in truth, most of this Capital Fellows year has felt this way. I’m back at my home church and hometown. My parents are a short drive away, I usually don’t need Apple Maps to get around, and my college roommate is doing the program with me. And yet, I am building friendships with 13 other people that I met just two months ago. I am learning the ropes of a new job and taking seminary classes that have opened my eyes to new ways of reading the Bible and understanding my calling. I’d love to say that I do well with change and uncertainty, but in some beautiful and challenging way, the Lord has been using this tension of familiarity and newness to expose that I am not always so comfortable with so much variability in my life.
At the ICF large group, Yujin chose to speak on Exodus 13:17-22: Pillars of Cloud and Fire. She shared her own story and the ways she has seen the Lord guide her through her own and her family’s “wildernesses.” This passage tells us that the Lord led the Israelites the long way into the wilderness so they would not have to face war against the Philistines. Thus, it was ultimately a mercy that the Lord led the Israelites into their years of wandering. Not only did the Lord preserve the Israelites this way, but He remained with them the entire time, leading them with a pillar of cloud in the day and a pillar of fire at night. He was present and active in their wandering.
This evening brought me to tears. Good tears. I think at that moment, the Lord was telling me something: I know this is hard. I know this is new. I know you want to run into the arms of familiarity, but I need you to run into MY arms. Let me guide you through this wilderness.
Despite how unstable things have felt lately, I have been continually comforted knowing that the Lord is with me, sustaining me each step of the way: in the newness and in the familiarity.
"In the shadow of your wings, I will sing for joy.” (Psalm 63:7 ESV)
Isabel Church is a member of the Capital Fellows class of 2025-26. She is from Vienna, VA and is a graduate of Grove City College. This year, she is working as a Communications and Research Associate at The Fellows Initiative.
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About Capital Fellows. Capital Fellows is an advanced leadership and discipleship program for recent college graduates. Through graduate courses, a paid internship, one-on-one mentoring, and many leadership and community service opportunities, fellows develop and apply their gifts in real-world situations while learning to integrate a Christian worldview into all areas of life. Capital Fellows is a unique opportunity to live and work in the Washington DC area and to be an active member of a supportive community that seeks to serve the city with the love of Christ. It is also a unique opportunity to get hands-on experience in the workplace while deeply exploring God’s design for us as workers and contributors to human flourishing.
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Every Monday night, the Capital Fellows share a meal together (prepared and served by two of their own), worship, and discuss various leadership topics at Roundtable. This week we began a new discussion series on being "Called to Serve," in which the Fellows will be wrestling with what it means to joyfully and sacrificially serve in every area of their lives... Please join us in praying that, through their discussions and experiences this year, the Capital Fellows would grow to see service as not just an act, but as a lifestyle and a mindset. And that, ultimately, they would see Jesus as our perfect model of service—loving, sacrificial, planned, intentional, and fruitful.
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